Heart to Heart
by twitchy witch
Summary: A companion story to A Mile With Sorrow: scenes Evie doesn't witness, from the point of view of other characters.  New deleted scene- earlier draft of MWS ch15.
1. Ash and Al

_This is a companion story to A Mile With Sorrow. It won't make much sense unless you've read the whole saga. Expect the next chapter of that one to be up in a few days!**  
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_**MWS spoiler alert! This vignette contains massive spoilers for future content of A Mile With Sorrow, so be warned…skip it if you don't want insight into Ash's actions in the upcoming chapters. Most of the info here will appear in MWS eventually. **_

_I was stuck, so I wrote this to see what was going through Ash and Al's head. What followed was too good not to share. The following conversation takes place in Al's conservatory, just after Evie leaves to go talk to Adrian after MWS chapter 13. It's mostly for those who would like to know more about the nature of Ash and Al's past relationship, and my version of demons in general. (Forgive the third person omniscient POV and the info dumps. This was more of an exercise to clarify my thoughts than anything else, and it's still rough.) If you like this sort of thing (sort of a deleted scenes or behind-the-scenes kind of story) then let me know and I'll post other scenes along these lines next time I get stuck. _

_Al's mate's name, Keerin, is inspired by the Japanese Kirin, a powerful, beautiful chimeric creature similar to a dragon._

**Interlude: Heart to Heart**

Ash stared for a long moment at the space Evie had been, as Al pulled at his lace and generally tried to pretend he was not the cause of all the angst. "All is not wine and roses with your paramour, I take it?" Al asked finally, but even this didn't prompt much of a response. Ash merely glared, and it was half-hearted and distracted. Al peered over his glasses at Ash, appraising and keenly interested.

"She baffles me," Ash admitted finally.

"What did you expect?" Al said lightly, as if Rachel did not baffle, irritate, and piss him off on a regular basis. "She hasn't been brought up properly."

Ash stared at Algaliarept, until the older demon began to feel uneasy. Yes, what he'd done had been vicious and cruel. Yes, he had decided that perhaps he'd gone a bit far in his meddling. Evie certainly wouldn't understand his motives, the deep resentment and even deeper affection he held for his former student. In so many ways, Ash was his creation. Al had fashioned him, honed him, transforming the spoiled but talented brat into a formidable opponent. Part of it had been simply boredom- even at the tender age of a thousand or so, Al had begun to feel the first creeping tendrils of ennui, and winning the task of educating the last of their kind after Newt's first breakdown had given him a worthy challenge. Al was proud of Ash, even though the younger demon had nowhere near the cold deviousness of his mentor.

"_Kavim_," Al prompted, pulling out a long-unused nickname, and Ash shuddered.

"No," Ash replied, voice hoarse.

"_Kavim_," Al repeated, gentler. Ash held himself stiff, but he didn't slug Al, or push his hand away from his shoulder. Ash felt the tingle of demon magic course over him, familiar and warm, healing the wounds he'd sustained on the surface. But no magic would ever erase the deeper wounds.

"_No_." Ash pulled it together and shrugged away, hunched and unable to hide his pain. He could have faced down any other bastard in the Ever After, but his connection to Al was still too strong, even after the centuries. But at least his mind was closed to Al now, and if he could just keep his fool mouth shut, he'd be fine. It didn't matter that Al could read him like a book anyway, there was still strength in silence.

Al was silent, too, evaluating, judging, scheming, and Ash's disgust and deeper weariness began to grow. Al was a master manipulator, Ash knew it. Spending a week with him- the first time- had made Evie so much stronger. But what had the demon done to her this time? Untrained demon women were half-insane anyway, and Evie now looked like one harsh word would send her irretrievably over the brink. Forget trying to bind the woman—getting through the next week without her going nova and killing them both was looking like a challenge.

Still…at least _Evie_ hadn't been the one to break the Ever After...

"You know I did it for _you_," Al said finally. "You were always such a romantic."

Ash hid a smile. That was rich, coming from Al, of all demons. "Are you satisfied with the outcome?"

Al's smiled beneficently, but Ash had seen the brief furrow between his brows. "She's quite tough. I'm pleased. But…perhaps…I did take it a bit far. But time is short, you know that. We can't afford to have you two dicking around when we have so little time left."

Ash folded his arms. That had been quite a concession for the confident trickster. "She wasn't lying. She would have killed you. She nearly went critical, there, on the surface."

"Yes, over what I did to _you_, rather than what I did to _her_. So sweet." Glib as he was, even Al knew he'd pushed things way too far with that stunt, attacking her mind while she was bound with silver. Evie, and Ash, who claimed her, were both well in their rights to press charges for what, in the old days, would have been a capital offense. "You've twisted her priorities so very deftly; I have to admire your talent."

"It wasn't me. As you said, it's her upbringing."

"Oh, I don't think so. Rachel, yes. But your Yvette is one _ambitious_ demoness. Quite willing to swallow just about any degradation, as long as it furthers her interests and affects only herself. She'll get herself quite riled over injustice to others, though. Have you given any thought as to why she'd allow you and I to take such liberties?"

Of course he had. He'd spent the last month or so angsting over the consequences of the damage he'd done to her so long ago, demolishing her young psyche and placing his compulsion on her. "I dosed her with venom as a girl," Ash said. "The guilt and the compulsion would have brought any witch crawling back to that clearing, but then…she wasn't a witch." He left the rest unsaid. Such a thing, corrupting a mind so young and vulnerable, would also have been a capital crime, back in the old days when there were young women to corrupt, and older women to care. There were limits to how low a male should stoop, and he'd been struggling not to acknowledge his actions and their consequences. That she'd resisted the compulsion for nearly _fifty years_ before succumbing spoke to an inner strength that was worthy of any demoness, but it hadn't left her unbroken. And she _had_ succumbed in the end. _Then_ she'd owned it, and turned it around- turned it into a bond that he didn't understand, couldn't trust, and was helpless to resist.

Al froze, and peered at Ash over his glasses. "_Kavim_." His voice was severe and stern. " You _didn't_ just tell me that."

Ash shrugged, face flushing. Confession to Al, likewise, had always been difficult to resist. And this had been weighing on his soul for months. Sure, Ash had removed the compulsion, but how much of her passion had been shaped by it? How much was a lie, an illusion? How much would she hate him when it finally dawned on her, the magnitude of how much he'd warped her mind and twisted her will? No, if he were honest with himself, it had weighed on him for years, ever since his second taste of her blood. How had he been so blind, to have missed it the first time, the night he'd given her the first scar? Of course she'd kept it- she could no more have erased it than she could have erased her hand, or heart. But she'd owned that, too, hadn't she? What it meant to her now, to him…he didn't like to think about it. Or guess how Al had realized its significance, when he'd erased it…and later, when he'd replaced it for her.

Al removed his glasses very carefully and began to clean them with slow, deliberate motions using a monogrammed hankie from one of his many velvet pockets. Neither of them spoke. Al could take this information to Newt, and Newt would have Ash's head. It was a simple as that.

And Al wouldn't. It was, also, as simple as that.

"It explains _Therese_, anyway," Al said finally, replacing his glasses before failing to meet Ash's eyes. "She's spent a lifetime fighting her demon nature."

"Yes." It was so simple, Ash could have kicked himself for not seeing it sooner. "She thought it was survivor's guilt, something in herself to be despised and rejected and overcome. I tried to explain but I don't think she-"

Al's mouth fell open. Unable to stop himself, he marched over and smacked Ash hard upside the head. "Idiot! _You. Told. Her._ Kaviashmedaeva, you have a remarkable inability to keep your mouth shut. While I find it endearing- not to mention conveniently profitable- I still wonder how the hell you've survived this long."

Ash scuffed his feet like a teenager. "Only with you," he mumbled.

Al snorted, but his hand, clamped tight on Ash's shoulder, loosened just slightly. His gloved fingers toyed with Ash's disheveled amber-golden hair, and Ash didn't pull away. "I dosed Rachel, too," Al admitted. "She was of age. But…"

Ash stared at the far wall. "We always do. Common. A little harmless fun. After all, it's been so meaningless for so long…"

Al humphed in uncomfortable agreement. All in good fun. Dose the captive, watch them writhe. Ensnare a human to the point where bloodlust turned them into feral little shadows of demons. Mark a witch, make him beg for more. Bring an elf to her knees, compulsion wringing out the pride until she was all naked need. Break their minds, break their spirits, with barely any effort at all. It was a world of male demons, with male appetites, and no women to hold them back. No balance, no restraint. Meaningless.

Until it wasn't.

Because it wasn't _venom_, not really. _Venom_ was just a convenient word for something that _could_ be fatal, if not used with moderation. Fatal not just in a physical sense, but for the connections it could forge, the soul-deep bonds it could create. For how vulnerable it could make a demoness, and the consequences of her displeasure. For how vulnerable it made a male, who gave of his essence and his aura, of his very soul- little pieces that were not quickly replenished.

Venom was the most intimate gift two demons could share, a gift that had once been precious and cherished. To squander it for such filthy, common appetites was…obscene. Just like the familiar bonds, once used to shelter and protect the vulnerable, now twisted to horrifying, selfish ends. Like the collective that was once a social, vital part of their society…but now it was twisted, soiled, a monstrosity, existing to store their most corrupt curses and cruder entertainment. Like the curse that once linked them, made them strong, but now bound them in this never-ending hell and fueled their immortality using their own lost souls, and those other truly lost souls damned long ago and banished to the surface in bodies that could not be affected by the shifting, shattered realities, to exist in their own surreal insanity until the worlds collided. Like the Ever After itself, the abomination that they'd created. Like the curse they'd laid on the elves, the cruel, unnatural curse that had doomed their enemies to extinction, fueled by such furious hate that it had driven many of their own mad with the nightmares that arose from it, including Al's own beloved wife, and Ash's mother, and most of the other demon women who had ever borne a child. And centuries, centuries, endless centuries of death, destruction, annihilation of everything else good or moral or decent. A race of degenerate creatures, locked into a cycle of vengeance and hatred, forever locked away from the sun.

Al stepped to face Ash, and saw hell burning in the demon's eyes. Their gazes locked.

"Algaliarept?" Ash's voice was quiet, hoarse, and intimate. "What have we become?"

Algaliarept couldn't immediately reply, for he, too, had had his own recent brush with the reality of their degradation when he'd slid through Rachel's mind. Tempting as it was to gloss it over with his usual cynical flippancy, Al found that he was tired of hiding from the truth. All the demons did. They had to, for the sake of their own sanity.

All but Newt. The strongest of them all, in mind and body and magic and knowledge. It wasn't for her insanity that they despised her, but for her refusal to leave them their illusions.

"_Beraxadu, what is our path_?" Ash reverted to the ancient tongue, quietly pleading for guidance from his old mentor.

"_To endure, now, to the end,"_ Al said, hearing the words echoing over the many, many long empty centuries. "_Apêmem_." _Forever after._ The last battle cry of their kind. His words were weary, and they both heard it.

"_To what end?"_ Ash growled, breaking the spell. He turned away, balled fists tight and useless. He kicked at the path, sending gravel skittering until it hit the invisible stone walls of the enclosure, appearing to bounce off thin air. "Newt is right. The bitch has always been right."

Newt would see them all die out, picked off by boredom and insanity. Al found himself slightly amused. "You sound discontent with that. Will you become a crusader, my _Kavim_? Seek to redeem us all…?"

Ash favored Al with a condescending glare. Unmoved, Al forced an unfelt smile. "You have the means to our salvation at hand, as do I. If we can bind our women, we, at least, can escape the trap."

"We'll use them up, spit them out, leave them rotting and bitter inside, and they'll leave us in the dark to perish. You know it as well as I."

Al raised a challenging eyebrow. "Perhaps _you_ will. I happen to be far more subtle at manipulating—"

"Sure. And that's why she's out in hiding with an elf," Ash said viciously. He saw the blade bite into Al, cutting deep.

The demon visibly refrained himself from retaliating, however, and his forced grin grew wider and more anticipatory. It didn't reach his ancient eyes. "Three words for you, my friend. _Make-up sex_."

Ash felt a streak of remembered heat flash through him, not only because of his recent encounter with Evie, but because Al's bedroom tone had just resurrected several centuries worth of such make-up encounters between he and Al. Apparently that candle hadn't been as thoroughly extinguished as he'd thought, Ash mused, a wry smile quirking his lips. Al was gifted at making himself irresistible, no doubt about it.

Then he thought of Evie in Al's arms, succumbing to temptation, and the icewater of _that_ image was extremely effective. "I won't stop her from murdering you, next time," he growled.

Al blinked at Ash's sudden downshift, then smiled wickedly. "Why _Kavim_. I do believe you're _jealous_. Surely you don't think I went to all that trouble to break you apart for _her _sake?"

"No, I think you did it for the sake of being an ass," Ash replied.

Al waved this aside. "You really think your demoness will let you trick her into such a bond? You know as well as I that they can't be won by trickery or deceit. I was only doing you a favor with my little wake-up call. You were getting a little too lost in your dreamy fantasy."

Ash gave Al a significant look, voice mocking. "Why _Gally_, I do believe_ you're_ jealous."

Al scoffed, but Ash's gaze was far too discerning for him to avoid, not after the truths they'd just been forced to face together. The pause was uncomfortably long. Al swallowed, but he couldn't lie. Not here, not in his sanctuary from the darkness, within the last memory of his mate. And not to Ash, not now. He drew a breath, hissed it out as if it were bladed and stabbing him, closing his eyes and letting himself fall into their old, comfortable pattern. "Yes."

When he opened his eyes, Ash was before him. They reached for each other, embracing. They sighed as their lips met, centuries of aching loneliness in their kiss.

In a shimmer of Ever After, Al's body became less hard and muscular, more androgynous as he pulled on an old, familiar shape that would not accidentally poison the other demon with his venom. Ash had no curses left in him, or he'd have done the same. It wasn't that demons frowned on homosexuality; it was simply that males were biologically incompatible. Males could fuck, could make love, could become familiars, could even open their souls briefly to share their auras, but they couldn't form the soul-deep bonds with each other that only the females could sustain. But far worse, males usually succumbed to temptation and bloodlust at some point in any relationship, resulting in painful or fatal consequences when their venom mingled. Al was risking those consequences at the moment, and he didn't care. Ash knew this was Al's apology, and he was sorely tempted to make Al suffer, but he had never been able to bring himself to do it. Even making himself vulnerable, Al was the master of their relationship.

Their tongues battled and the kiss grew heated, but Ash finally broke it off. "No," he growled.

"Please," Al said. His red eyes were lost and uncertain, full of want. It was an expression that had never failed to seduce Ash, even when he knew what would follow. Demon males had a protective instinct a mile wide, and Al never failed to strike exactly the right combination of strength and vulnerability to trigger it. He would have made a fine demoness.

But it wasn't real, and the desperation hiding beneath was new. And Ash _had_ a demoness, one who was apparently driving Al bugfuck crazy. Ash had known Al's mate, Keerin. He'd wondered, a little, whether Al had seen the resemblance. Now it was all too clear that Al had, and it was killing him. But it was more than that. Al had lost his potential mate, and then lost the familiar who had helped distract him from his pain for centuries, and now he was losing the only other lover he'd known. It might have started as petty cruelty, but Rachel's death had sent Al over the edge. He might well have killed Evie tonight, even knowing it would mean a very cruel death at the hands of the collective. Not because she looked like Keerin, but because she was stealing Ash away from him.

Life was never simple, when you'd known someone for as long as Ash had known Al. "Rachel is _alive_," he said.

"Lost," Al replied, eyes bright with anguish. "She's hiding from me."

"And that's what's stopping you? The Algaliarept I know would rip her guts out before letting her get away."

Al jerked, and Ash realized with a start that Al was shaking with long-suppressed emotion. In a complete reversal of every encounter they'd ever had, Al was losing it first. Ash might have had something witty to say about it, if he'd been the heartless bastard he pretended to be. But Ash knew what Al feared- basically, what every male feared. Blowing it. Screwing up so badly that you'd never get a second chance. With demonesses, that usually meant you were dead, but the rules were changing.

"I can't train your Yvette," Al said, feeling shuddery relief course through him at the admission he'd been unwilling to face himself. If he couldn't complete his deal with Evie, she would be under no obligation to help train Rachel.

"I know." Ash kept his voice calm. He's suspected as much. Al was basically saying he was failing Rachel because of his own weakness, and it was tearing him apart to admit it.

"I _can't._ She wounds me with every gesture, every word…every scrap of emotion that peels off her—"

"I know."

"I've seen Rachel's soul. The way she sees me, sees us all—"

"You forget, they haven't been brought up properly. They still know how to forgive." He was counting on it, because the alternative, that things had changed forever, was unthinkable.

Al pulled back a little, and regarded Ash with a hint of a smile. The whites of his eyes were nearly as red as the irises and his flushed, smooth cheeks. "Seven thousand years hasn't beaten the optimism out of you yet?" Ash shrugged, and Al's smile grew. "You are an _idiot_," he said, and there was unmistakable fondness in his voice. But his smile faded as he said again, seriously. "I can't train her. But neither can you."

"I've thought on that," Ash admitted. He paused, but he'd already taken the plunge earlier by admitting his capital offense to Al. He'd been on a slippery slope ever since he'd broken his deal with Evie, and his latest stint on the surface, forced to confront the literal demons of his past along with the figurative, had left him with nothing else to lose. "I can help her get basic control over her powers, enough so she's not a danger to herself. As for the rest, should we find a way to save the Ever After, or escape it, there will be ample time to train her- and Rachel as well. If not…perhaps it would be better for the knowledge to die with us."

Al stared at Ash for a long time. To his credit, he didn't say the first dozen things that came into his head. Ash was sincere. And Al had to admit that it wasn't the first time he'd had such thoughts, such misgivings about subjecting Rachel to the regimen that would transform her into a powerful demi-goddess, able to wield the curses that could crush worlds and alter realities, and all of the soul-crushing consequences that came with them. It was treason, a betrayal of every demon who had fought for so long to survive—to deny them salvation for the sake of two new young females.

"They'd be safer in the world to come," Ash continued, when Al stayed silent. "In the long run. Especially if we can't escape."

"And what of us?" Al asked. "Do you propose we go quietly into that good night…?"

"No. I don't know. Newt might be right."

"She_ is_ right." Al shifted against Ash, tilting his head, a dangerous new light in his eyes. "It comes down to this, my _Kavim_. How far are we willing to go for redemption?"

"For redemption?" Ash made a face. "Fuck that. But for a chance to have it all? Something that actually fucking matters? Not the pitiful, soulless substitutes we've made do with?" His voice was harsh with want. "The one thing I never even had a chance to have, thanks to you lot?" He ignored Al's indignant huff. "I want her. I want it all. I'll kill for it."

Al huffed again. "You've killed for no reason at all, like the rest of us. There's no sacrifice in _that_. What will you give up?"

Ash bristled. "What the hell haven't I given up already? Legally she owns everything- I have nothing left!"

Al resisted the urge to smack his former student upside the head again. "I'm talking heart and soul, you idiot. Fortunately for you, such a bond doesn't require brains." Ash flushed again as Al continued quietly, "It does require patience. And trust. Two commodities that you've always been short on, love. And it never ends happily- always in death or heartbreak. Usually death."

It did. If it didn't end in a mutual agreement to part, it usually ended in the abrupt, fiery death of the male, accidental or deliberate. It had always been thus. Ultimately, there was only so much control a woman had over her powers, because they lacked the mental abilities of the males. The females could hold and channel the power to create entire worlds, but it was the males with the mental agility and fortitude to pull those worlds into reality. And living long enough, even with a powerful familiar to buffer the lines and a _chi_ that could hold oceans of energy, using the lines eventually took its toll. Females tended to slip slowly into insanity, and there was nothing even the most attentive mate could do to stop it once the process had begun. It was the duty of a mate to protect her, and ultimately to end her life when she became a danger- lest she grow too powerful to control. Like Newt, who had, against all the odds, somehow survived without a mate to anchor her. Or Ku'Sox, who had been gifted with the abilities of both genders—which only tipped him into madness that much more quickly.

It always ended in heartbreak. Even for beings such as they, there was no_ forever_. They just had a longer time to contemplate their eventual end. Despite this, demons had always sought out mates. It was instinct, a desire for completion, and the only way to bear healthy children. Love did not have to be part of the bond, though it often was. Trust, however, was vital.

"It wasn't stopping you before," Ash pointed out.

"No," Al replied, staring at the olive tree. Most males, bonded so long, didn't last long after the death of their mate. He himself wasn't certain how he'd managed to hang on for long. "It shouldn't stop you, either."

They were silent, contemplating their long, long past, and uncertain future. "And you?" Ash asked. "Algaliarept…whatever happens, you have to let me go."

"Not yet," Al replied, tightening his embrace. "Not yet. Once more?"

Ash growled as Al's hand wandered, slipping under his waistband for an intimate caress before a rush of ley line energy brought Ash fully erect. Ash felt nearly irresistible heat racing through him even as he fought his anger, and his growing temptation. "No."

"Please," Al breathed, mouth caressing Ash's neck in an intimate kiss. The line grew heady and hot between them, need pulsing in Ash's veins with every heartbeat. "One last time?" Al's lure was siren-strong, tinged with the promise of familiar, attainable bliss. His fingers tightened involuntarily in his former lover's hair, his body remembering ever caress, every stroke, every thrust they had shared over the years. With a start, he realized that Al had breached his mind's defenses, so subtly he hadn't even detected the invasion. Anger replaced the fire of passion.

"Enough!" Ash grabbed Al's wrists, stopping the ley line play. "It's a lie, Algaliarept. It's a false comfort, and I'm not looking forward to explaining all this shit to Evie as it is."

"She's not worthy of you. You know that."

It was Al's jealousy talking, Ash knew that. But suddenly he'd had it with Al's manipulation, the centuries of hurt and lies, between the infrequent bouts of intimacy. Suddenly disgusted with himself more than with Al, he pushed the other demon away. When Al resisted, Ash unsheathed his claws and pressed them against the older demon's throat. "Don't fuck with me, Al," he warned.

Snarling, Al released him and stepped aside, eyes slitted with fury and, under the fury, bafflement and an old, old hurt. He growled a curse under his breath, and Ash caught Evie's name.

Quick as a flash, Ash slashed at him, catching Al's upper arm and shredding the velvet and linen as if it were paper. A thin line of blood seeped from a single cut. Al stared at the blood for a moment in shock, then stared at Ash in growing horror. "You son of a bitch," he murmured, all the fight draining from him. Ash had just poisoned him. He could stop some of the more unpleasant side effects, but it didn't matter; Ash had just killed their bond. Al was sensitized. All the trust and forgiveness in the world wouldn't change the fact that Ash had just severed all future physical ties between them, because the next dose, even accidental, would be fatal.

Ash couldn't hide the unsteadiness in his voice. "We'll come by later and annul the familiar bond, and come to a new arrangement regarding whatever bargain you had with Yvette. I'll say this once, Algaliarept: fuck with us again, and I will have your head. Or better yet, I'll let Evie have your head."

Al stared at him, his furious expression becoming slightly dazed as the venom began to take hold. Ash fought his growing queasiness at the finality of the action, telling himself that it had been necessary—and it had been, given the self-destructive patterns they'd been locked into for so many millennia—but it was still the most difficult thing he'd ever done. It couldn't be any other way. They needed to move on.

"How do you know I won't take this to Newt?" Al growled, his hand rubbing at the wound. It was a small scratch, barely more than an inch long, but it didn't matter. The damage was soul-deep.

Ash lifted his chin, quelling the shaking of his insides. "We've always had the power to destroy each other. We nearly have, dozens of times. Is that what you want?"

Al looked away, shoulders slumping. "No."

"We have to move on. It's done. Let it go, Al. For Rachel's sake, if not yours or mine." He cleared his throat, guilt warring with relief and regret all mingled together_. It had to be done_, he reminded himself again. Theirs had never been a relationship of equals. _ It had to be done. I feel like shit, but it had to be done._ "I'm…sorry."

Ash turned to leave, but paused when Al said, "Damned right, you'll be sorry." Ash turned, then twisted away with preternatural speed, but it was too late. Al lashed out at him, catching him in the shoulder with a double line of fire. Al's venom shot through him, heady and exhilarating and promising a very, very bad evening indeed. Ash just gaped, clapping a hand to his wound as he stumbled back. Al's eyes were looking glazed, but serene. "As you wish, my _Kavim_," he said, as Ash shook his head and tried to clear it. "We are quits. Done and done. Don't let the door hit you on the ass,_ et cetera, et cetera_."

Ash forced a chuckle he didn't feel. Lovely. And now he'd not only have to play nice with some Coven witch, but he'd have a devil of a time explaining why he would be feverish and convulsing and whatever the fuck else the poison would do to him. Worse, she was going to be gallivanting off in reality and now he wouldn't be able to protect her. Oh, this was not good, and he had no curses left for dealing with it. "Asshole," he growled, though his guilt was gone. He hadn't given Al _nearly_ the dose Al had laid on him.

"The best," Al agreed, before vanishing into a cloud of mist.

"Fuck," Ash said, staring at the olive tree, behind where Al had been standing, now thoroughly disgusted with everyone and everything. He felt his body's defenses already rising against the blissful sensations, and wondered again at the utter unfairness of it all, male demon nature in particular. Females could bond with each other, why couldn't males?

He sent out a mental call to Evie. Surely it had to be sunset by now. He had to get her back to the Ever After, preferably stirring him up some relief, before he collapsed. How long did he have? An hour? Three? Everything had just gone to hell in a handbasket. He just hoped the Coven witch was easily intimidated…


	2. Adrian and Ash

_Adrian as Ash's new familiar? How the hell did that happen?_

_This takes place immediately after Evie passes out from Adrian's spell. Again, third person POV, unpolished prose, etc etc. _

_Again, massive spoilers for Mile Wish Sorrow future chapters!  
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"Holy shit," Adrian said, staring down at the woman, still smoking gently, passed out on the floor. "I didn't think that would work." A deep, furious growl from the wall snapped his attention to Ash, who was recovering from his stunned silence. "She's OK!" he insisted. Shakily, he added another invoked amulet to the three that he'd used to bring her down.

Ash growled again, forcing himself to calm down so he could wrack his brains for something to counter the damned spiderweb Evie had used to glue him to the wall when he'd tried to bring her down. Where the hell had she learned that? He could see her chest moving, could feel her slumbering mind—she was contained, but was she really all right? What the hell had the witch done to her?

"Kill you," Ash rasped, as he finally remembered the damned counter curse. Al's venom was taking its toll, robbing him of both power and concentration as the burning pain climbed into his_ chi_ and set up shop. The situation had spiraled so badly out of control too quickly. And her power! What the hell had _Al _done to her? She shouldn't have been able to access half of the energy she'd harnessed—and clearly he hadn't stepped in to fulfill his duty as anchor, which should have happened the instant she opened herself to more than one line. Deep, quiet anger filled him, a result of seeing just how twisted things between he and Al had become. He hoped the bastard was suffering as much as he was right now. He spoke the invocation and the threads began to part.

"Kill me…?" Adrian shivered at the promise in Ash's voice. "Uh, excuse me, I just saved your bacon," he protested, then stopped. "Hey. I just saved your bacon," he repeated. "Both of you. Directly and undeniably. Chew on that before you get all pissy and kill me, because if you break another bargain she'll probably mess you up."

Ash froze, stunned. Fuck. The witch was right! The web melted as the counter curse anulled it, and dumped him on the floor, where he promptly began to retch, heaving and heaving even though there was nothing to puke. _ Could this fiasco get any worse?_

"What's wrong with you? Are you sick?"

"Demons don't get sick."

"Well…you're, uh, suffering from some kind of curse, then?"

"Suffering?" Ash rasped between heaves. "No, clearly I'm enjoying every minute. Come over here so I can tear you a new asshole." To add to his humiliation, the curse he heaved at the witch (designed to hurt, not kill) bounced off Adrian's hide without effect. In fact, it rebounded and shot straight back at him. He barely managed to counter that one, too, before collapsing on his back, chest heaving.

Adrian had cringed when the curse struck him, but now he stood straighter, smiling. He dropped a smoking disk on the floor, where it crumbled into ash. "Didn't know if that one would work, either," he said under his breath. "Cool. So, uh, here's the part where we either talk like civilized beings, or—"

With a roar, Ash redoubled the energy and lobbed the curse again. Adrian was ready for it this time. He ducked and rolled away, and the curse whistled a few inches over Evie's prone form. _Shit! Watch where you're aiming, you idiot!_ Another curse awaited him when he rose into a crouch, but the gangly witch held up another wooden disk, this one embedded with silver, and again the curse rebounded off him and crashed into a wall. It left the disk blackened and smoking, but the witch was unharmed. A third curse struck him, and Ash grinned with anticipation—then stared in shock as the image of the witch simply wavered and faded. A moment later, a wall of orange-tinted ever-after rose around him, trapping him, and Adrian stepped back into his field of view- from his side, where yet another charm had cloaked him. _A doppelgänger illusion? In an earth amulet?_ Despite the rising humiliation of being trapped in a witch circle in his own fucking kitchen on his own fucking turf, Ash was impressed. He forced a grin. "How about that one? Did you think that one would work, witch?"

"To be honest..? Separate charms are easy, but linking the two illusions? Took me ages to find the right alloy." Adrian grinned, pleased. "Works about half the time."

Ash scooted to the far side of the circle, away from his mess. He groaned as another icy flash of nauseating prickles shot from his _chi _down his spine. It wouldn't be hard to look as pathetic as he felt- perhaps he could score some sympathy points and get the witch to let him out. "…and the other half…?" he grumbled.

Adrian winced. "Uh, it usually involves me on fire. So. Can we talk?"

_Talk, talk, talk. Everyone wants to talk_. Ash just wanted a nice comfortable hole to hide in for the next century. How had this happened? What had he done? In what myriad and uncomfortable ways was it all going to bite him on the ass? "Sure. Talk. If you want to be useful, grind up some echinacea roots while you're talking. And shred some yarrow."

Adrian glanced at the rows of shelves. "What for?"

"If it's not obvious, I'm in rather a lot of pain. I'll need at least half a dozen curses in the next twenty minutes if you want any help from me tonight. And unless I'm with you, I'm not letting Yvette out of this room. Not until she's halfway sensible again." He grinned. "Which may take centuries. So either let me out of this bubble, or start stirring, witch."

Adrian hesitated, irritation warring with his natural curiosity. _That's right, little Coven mouse. Take the cheese. You know you're dying for a chance to learn some real magic._ "Fine. But you'll stay in that circle until Evie wakes up."

Ash shifted, trying to find a position that didn't make his shoulder scream. Flat on his back seemed to work just fine, save for the way the room spun. Another spike of pain screeched down the channels of his mind, where Al's venom sought the female aspects that just weren't there, encountered nothing but Ash's own defenses. Al was _such_ a bastard. "Have to quicken them with my blood, witch."

Adrian huffed. "There's another demon in the room, uh, _demon_," he pointed out.

The mouse had shown its claws and teeny teeth. Ash found himself liking the witch's confidence, misplaced as it might be. "And if you so much as touch her, no power in the world will keep me from tearing out your throat," Ash replied pleasantly. Pain still rasped in his voice. "Did you really think you could lure her from me?"

Adrian found what he was looking for, and pulled the huge grey mortar and pestle toward himself. He began to pound the tough dried herbs as he spoke. "I wasn't trying to lure her away. I was trying to get her to see that she's, y'know, normal. Worthwhile. Loveable, even. She's really messed up over the shunning, and the scarred face."

Ash choked out a harsh laugh. "All demonesses are messed up."

"I_ like_ her. That's all. She's a good person who's had a shit life, thanks to you."

Ash groaned. "Do you expect me to get all weepy and apologetic? And she's not a good person, she's an untrained demoness who just about blew us to kingdom come." _And I'd give a lot to know what the hell set her off just now. _

Adrian paused in his pounding. "Isn't training her _your _job?"

_Thanks for reminding me, you little twerp._ "It's complicated."

"Well, we're not going anywhere. All I've got is her side of things." He glared at Ash. "Even when she's busy apologizing for you, you still sound like an asshole." He chuckled. "Hey, if I banish you from _here_, where would you go?"

Ash laid his head back, staring at the vaulted ceiling, with that one burned beam he'd never gotten around to replacing. He supposed things could be worse. "Try it and find out."

"I don't know what she sees in you. You know she's kind of crazy about you."

Ash closed his eyes. He was not having this conversation, not with a witch, not with anyone. He calmed himself by picturing all the curses he'd use to cut the witch down to size, were he free to do so. "She's kind of crazy, period. Who am I to question her taste in men? Add the honey next. Thirteen stirs clockwise."

Adrian grunted, but complied. "You want to get out of there? Tell me—what the hell are you after? Is she some kind of prize? You going to use her like a broodmare? Or do you just get your kicks messing with her mind until one day she's as bent as you are?"

Ash turned, trying to ease the pain in his side. He cursed Al under his breath, again. "Let me get this straight. You'll let me out of this fucking circle if I bare my poor little black heart to you?"

Adrian made a barking laugh. "Ha! Not likely! See, I got it figured out. I saved her life. Mark's gone as soon as she wakes up. Deal's _done_, along with all the safeguards. You stay put unless you bargain with me again, because even though I saved your ass too, you'll bend over backwards to make me regret it. Am I right?"

Ash sighed. The world spun, and he retched again. It was fortunate that he'd already turned his guts inside out, because he couldn't even turn more than his head this time. He was a connoisseur of pain, but queasiness was so much more insidious. Pain made him angry and defiant. Quease? Sapped his will, stole his strength, was bringing him to his metaphorical knees until he'd consider doing a lot more than _talk _to get some relief from the encroaching soul-deep malaise. _Uuugh._ "I'm hardly in any shape to do more than puke on you at the moment, witch. Ten stirs widdershins, then add the _tu si zi_ powder. _ Slowly. _If it doesn't turn blue, start over."

"You could be faking it," Adrian suggested, but Ash could hear the amusement in his voice. "You honestly expect me to believe you're powerless in there?"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Ash had finally had it. "I was reincarnated a fucking week ago, and spent most of that time playing footsie with the damned while trying to hide my burnt aura. Lost centuries worth of curses. I finally get my woman back, only to find out that Al fucked her up, possibly beyond repair. Now I've been poisoned with Al's venom, and it's fucking up my _chi _to the point where controlling a line is like herding cats_._ You think this paltry charm could hold me otherwise? I'd burst it like a ripe boil, then do the same to your head."

"Sounds like a bad week," Adrian said. "Poor little you. Blue. What next?"

"Pick up that knife," Ash growled, "and cut off your balls, since I can't reach them." He groaned as Adrian snorted with amusement. Fuck. What _did_ come next, anyway? "Then get the third book from the right on the second shelf. Green one. Page one seventeen. Just follow the instructions."

Adrian got up and sauntered over to the bookshelf. "So Al poisoned you? _Rachel's_ Al? Why?"

"None of your fucking business." _Way to go...that tone of voice isn't a dead giveaway at all._ "At least I got him, too."

"Lover's spat?" Adrian's voice was amused. Ash couldn't help growling, a deep warning growl that made Adrian's grin fade to confusion. The witch cleared his throat. "You never answered my question. About what you want with Evie?"

"No, I didn't. Don't intend to, either."

Adrian hummed as he retrieved the book and flipped through the pages. His eyes widened at some of the curses he passed along the way. "Then I hope you're enjoying yourself in th—holy shit, you can _do_ that?"

"Witch! Focus! If you don't fix this, you and Evie aren't going anywhere tonight."

"I rather doubt Evie's going to be up for much tonight anyway, not with her aura _that_ unstable. Can she even cross the lines?"

"She'll be fine. It's your own ass I'd be worrying about. This little charm- and my illness- won't last forever. Then I'm going to make you very, very sorry."

"You know, you are very scary, but your threats would be _way_ more convincing if you weren't lying in a puddle of your own vomit." The witch only laughed as Ash cursed in several languages, then raised a fist and pounded the orange barrier that bound him. Or rather, he managed a weak thunk, and pulled his singed hand away with a hiss of pain.

"It appears we're at an impasse," he finally agreed. The pain had cleared his mind a little, even as it triggered another round of pins, needles, aching _chi_ and finally more retching. _ Fucking Algaliarept. _He could always call another demon…but that would lead to him having to explain his predicament, and that was just too mortifying to bear. The witch was young and naïve. He could be bargained with. From the brief glimpse Ash had stolen from his mind, Adrian had been about what Ash had expected. Ambitious, curious, sincere in his concern for Evie, far too clever for his own good, and scared shitless by Ku'Sox. He could even be trusted, as far as Ash trusted any potential familiar—

Ash paused in mid-thought, a smile curving his lips. He'd known from the beginning that Al was right. He couldn't win Evie by trickery. He had to start fresh. That meant dissolving the last of the bonds that tied them, in preparation for rebuilding them correctly. Honestly. Which left Ash in need of a familiar. It galled him to have to give up the most powerful familiar a male could wish for, but what he'd told Evie long ago was true. Mutual familiarhood just didn't happen. And certainly not between mates. It was also a rather grey area, a female mating with her _yazataksh_, but he couldn't bend on that point. He trusted nobody else with her mind, and thanks to Al…

He shook his head,_ really_ not looking forward to having that conversation with Evie. Al would have much to answer for, if the truth became known. Hell, Evie might kill him herself.

Adrian, oblivious to the darker turn of Ash's thoughts, continued with his stirring. Ash could hardly believe his luck, a Coven-quality earth witch, stirring curses for no other reason than a burning desire for the knowledge and worry over his friend. Al had caught the Coven's top ley line user, who'd proved to be far too arrogant and set in her ways to train properly. But this one….this one was _perfect._ "Apparently. So answer the question. Then we'll bargain."

Perfect save for the fact that he was giving Ash orders in his own goddamned kitchen. "Why do you give a fuck?"

"Told you. I like her. She's had a shit life and deserves a break."

"So if I tell you I want to bind her to me, soul, body, and mind, until the worlds collide…that's going to convince you to let me out?"

Adrian paused, staring at Ash. "I'm not ignorant, you know. The general witch population has forgotten their origins, but we still know about our real heritage. You're serious? You really want her as a mate? Even after everything you did to her?"

Ash felt his face flush. "She'll accept me."

Adrian cocked his head, considering. "Possibly. But if you're wrong—"

"Then you get your shot at her after she fries my ass like bacon." Ash could feel the pins and needles turning into really angry, stabby pins and needles. The last of the light, blissful euphoria in his limbs was thoroughly quashed by brutal male reality.

"Like she just tried to do?"

"I don't know what the fuck that was about. Honestly. Something set her off, and then Al tried to step in and she lost it." Al. Shit. She must have shoved him out—what had that done to him? What state was_ he_ in at the moment?

"Something set her off? How about you practically fucking me in front of her?" It was Adrian's turn to flush, and he did it twice as well.

"You enjoyed it. You'll be jacking off to that memory for years, admit it."

"I didn't enjoy you fucking in my _head. _ Find what you were looking for?"

Ash grunted. The witch hadn't denied it, had he? Amusing. "There. I told you. Now I have a proposal for you."

"Gosh, Ashmedai, we just met. And didn't you just get done telling me you already had a mate in mind?" Adrian stirred the brew before setting it over a little flame to stew. " "Can I try this one next? It'll come in handy if the elves try to screw us over with that _Cŵn Annwn_ threat. What's your proposal?"

It wasn't a bad idea, actually. It was a low-level curse he wouldn't have considered using against that elven spell, but it would work. "Sure. Later. Turn to page two-twelve. That one first. Evie has to focus on her studies. She'll have to stay bound in silver until she can control her powers. But she won't do it if she's distracted by this Hope business. She can't wander in reality unprotected. At this point, thanks to Al, she's too fucked up inside to tap a line by herself. She needs a new familiar, and it'll be me. But I need a guardian who can walk under the sun. You volunteered. But you need more power. Become my familiar. You'll have all the power you could dream of, and more. You'll be my scion during daylight hours. If necessary, you'll be my vessel. "

Adrian stopped his flipping through the book of curses to give Ash a very skeptical glare. "Right. After all the threats and taunts, you want me to just turn my soul over to you so you can have a new flesh-puppet to play in. Not happening."

"Keep your damned soul. A curse for loyalty will be sufficient. You claim to be Evie's friend. Believe me. She needs me, and she knows it. You might think you're doing her a favor by betraying me, but her alternatives are orders of magnitude worse. Not to mention, harm me and she'll kill you. It's an instinct thing."

Adrian put the book down, and Ash could see him trying hard to contain his fear. Or excitement, perhaps. "What do_ I_ get out of it?"

"The knowledge you want. The power to defend yourself and protect your precious witches. Access to a demon kitchen, demon blood, and all the demon curses you can stir."

Adrian snorted. "Which you'd be taking, am I correct?"

"Sure. Most of them. I'll be busy training Evie."

Adrian pretended to be gazing disinterestedly at the book, but Ash could see his eyes weren't moving. "Still not seeing much benefit to myself, here. Would I have to stay in the Ever After? Call you Master and shit like that?"

Ash grinned despite himself. _ That would really cook Evie's bacon, wouldn't it? _"Not unless you _want _to. I know _I'd_ find it amusing. No, you'll be useless if I keep you here. Let's say…you give me three nights a week. Dawn to dusk."

Adrian eyed him, suspicion etching his young, course features. "You know, if you called it something else, like, say…an apprenticeship…I might be more amenable to this arrangement."

Ash blinked. "You're a _witch_, son."

"So? I saw the magic Pierce was flinging around when we fought Ku'Sox. I want to learn it. And I'm not taking your smut, by the way."

Ash choked another laugh. "Being my familiar means your aura's going to be black as sin anyway."

"Maybe. But it's not _my _smut. And any smut going on my soul is going to be_ my_ choice, not yours."

Ash closed his eyes again. It wasn't a bad arrangement, all things considered. And he was getting desperate for that nearly-done curse. Evie would be pissed off, but he'd have Adrian explain things to her. "Fuck it. This is the generation we either change or die. Might as well start breaking tradition sooner rather than later…"

He and Adrian spent another half an hour or so discussing terms, limitations, transportation, rescue in case of Coven freakout and subsequent live burial (Adrian hadn't forgotten the lesson of Pierce, that was clear), and other minute details as the curses finished simmering. Ash had a new respect for the witch, as well as a deep and abiding resentment that he'd hide away for a much later time, should the witch prove to get too uppity, or turn around and screw them all over.

Finally Adrian broke his circle and let Ash out, though by this point Ash had about as much control over his limp body as he had over the moon. The myriad conditions in the contract specified that Adrian would keep mum about the indignities Ash had suffered this evening unless given permission to discuss it.

Several doses of three different curses later, and Ash was feeling almost human again. It'd be several hours before he felt demonic again, but it was a start. His first task, after he'd ascertained that Evie was alive and well with an aura as sound as could be expected after such an experience, was to truss up his unconscious demoness with silver upon silver, then gag her so she couldn't invoke any sneaky curses she might have on her person. Then he and Adrian performed Ash's version of the ritual that would bind him as familiar. It was much more straightforward than Al's little song and dance, and the witch tolerated the new thick layer of smut on his aura far better than Ash had expected. He sent out a mental tendril into Adrian's mind, setting up various housekeeping curses that would allow him to see and hear though Adrian during the daylight, and allow him to share curses and shove power back into the witch through the familiar bond if necessary. The witch was less happy about that, but he didn't resist the invasion, having signed a contract allowing it.

Shortly after, Newt arrived with Hope, followed by Al. What Newt threatened to do with Al wasn't pretty, but a timely revelation that Rachel was still alive provided enough distraction to keep him alive, if not well. Fortunately for Al, the humiliation and agony of suffering from venom-poisoning was punishment enough for Newt.

Entanglement between Al and Evie successfully dissolved with Newt's aid, Newt appeased, and Al cooling his heels in temporary solitary confinement,_ sans _curses, for the rest of the evening, Ash began tutoring Adrian. And he watched his slumbering, damaged demoness, wondering how in nine hells he was going to explain things to her when she woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

_Originally this was going to run right after the lovely, sweet reconciliation scene (ch19). It served a number of purposes- backstory, info dump, beginning of Evie's reconciliation with Al, etc. But I dropped it for several reasons. It's way too dark, particularly jarring after leaving Ash and Evie giggling in bed, and much of this information can be used to better effect later in the story when I don't have to be so oblique in the references. Second, I started with one goal in mind, and it ended up taking an entirely new direction, and I couldn't decide how to fix the narrative. The truth amulet makes an appearance, and I've now decided that particular little plot device is a copout so it'll never show up again. But mostly, I felt like I was, as an author, kicking Al when he was down. Al deserves a little dignity, and neither Evie nor the rest of us need to see him suffering so dreadfully (and it really is over the top suffering- I'd intended to tone it down a bit in the revising). _

_Still, I like this chapter a lot, even if it never happens. The information herein may also change later, so don't be surprised if I contradict any of this stuff later on down the line. _

**Deleted scene: Ash takes Evie to see Al, in prison**

"Tell me why we're doing this, again?" I shivered as Ash led me through the darkened stone corridors. "And didn't you tell me that Newt tossed him in here? Won't she get pissed?"

"For Newt, being pissed is a state of being. And I suspect she knows I'll do something like this. If she disapproves, I get another scolding."

Yeah. A s_colding_. By _Newt_. Sure, _that_ sounded painless.

This place was creepy, even by demon standards. I hadn't been cursed with the ability to see in the dark…yet…so Ash was lighting our path with a globe he'd summoned from nowhere. It was dim as a glass of glowworms, and about as cheerful. It only served to make the shadows even sharper and grimmer. Coupled with the sense that we definitely weren't supposed to be here, in the underground warrens that served as temporary demon prisons, I was jittery as a cricket. My ill-spent youth and my night of drunken hooliganism with Al aside, I was _not_ one to break rules like this, and it made me queasy. That, and the fact that it was a_ demon prison _we were breaking into—who knew who or what else was down here? And what the hell kind of crimes did a demon have to commit to get locked up down here, anyway?

_Rachel would have loved this_, I thought sourly, but I was ready to bolt back to my safe little kitchen. I was an academic, not a runner, damn it!

Ash gave me an aggrieved look as he wrapped an arm around my shivering shoulders. It was freaking _chilly _down here, and damp, and the pervasive burnt amber stench mingled with other scents that managed to be even less savory. "Evie. Don't worry. It'll be fine. Hell, she likes _you_."

_Is that a good thing…?_ "Just creeped out. I've never busted someone out of prison before."

"We're not busting him out."

"Then why-?"

"You'll see. Just…trust me."

Another minute of walking, and a low, desperate sound filled my ears. Somewhere between a groan and a whine, soft and throaty as if the sufferer had already screamed himself hoarse and exhausted. I froze, and Ash had to tug me forward. "Please tell me that's not Al," I said.

But it was. Al was lying on the floor, curled in the tattered ruins of his usual velvet. He was drenched with blood, turning his clothing black in the dim light. I stared at him in horror- what I could see of his exposed, bloody skin was deathly pale, streaked with dark veins. He was shivering with the chill, or whatever poison was running through his veins. Now and again a convulsive shudder wracked him, making him groan again. It was more than a shudder, though- it was as if bones were being rearranged under his skin, as if a battle over his very shape were being waged in the muscles and tendons.

I found myself breathing rapidly in sympathy. I hated him, true, but surely Ash hadn't brought me here to enjoy the view. I couldn't look away from Al, but it wasn't fascination or satisfaction that I felt. Just horror, plain horror. Again a convulsion wracked his frame, and again he curled in on himself and moaned, and my fingers clutched Ash's arm hard enough that it hurt them.

"Newt cursed him…?" I asked, then recalled that Ash had been under some kind of curse like this, too, when I'd awoken from my Adrian-induced nap. Whatever was wrong, it was a dozen times worse in Al. I shivered again.

"No." Ash stared at Al, expressionless- or rather, the wide-eyed, blank expression my demon wore when he felt so strongly that he had to turn off his face. "I poisoned him."

Aaah. Adrian's taking so much time to give me backstory about demon physiology was making more sense now. "And he got you, too," I said, thinking of the new puckered scar on his shoulder. He'd been healed of all his dings and scratches between the time he'd rescued me on the surface and the time he'd picked me up in reality—all save the new angry, swollen slash on his shoulder that he'd still been favoring during our…activities. He hadn't answered when I inquired about it. I guess I had my answer now.

He nodded. "Yeah. Worse. Not that dosage really matters, not in the long run. Any exposure is…well. Not good."

He was silent for a long time, watching Al. "Will you tell me why you did it?" I asked, suppressing a shudder of sympathy when Al writhed again. The tortured demon hadn't reacted to our presence. His slitted eyes showed only whites, his face only agony. I had hated Al with every fiber of my being. I'd been ready to kill him. Eager, even. For a few moments, Therese and I had been in perfect agreement—Al had to be punished, and I had to do it, and I would enjoy it. I would draw it out, make him beg for his life, then make him beg to die.

I didn't feel that way now. Now I just felt sick, as anyone would feel upon watching the torture of a stranger. And Al wasn't really even a stranger, not now that I knew that he had depths to him, knew how to love. Could love, still did love. Now that my pain had been partially assuaged, my guilt absolved and my demon restored to me, there wasn't an ounce of that former desire for vengeance left in me.

Ash hadn't answered for the long moments it took me to come to the realization that I honestly didn't want to watch Al suffer. Surely Ash knew that...? "Why did you bring me here?" I demanded, unable to keep the accusation from my voice.

"You had to see it," he said, eyes fixed on Al. His face was severe in the dim light, merciless and blank. I had to suppress a shiver when he turned those cold eyes on me, and a jolt of foreboding and fear speared into my gut.

"OK, I've seen it. Let's go." My voice shook. I didn't like this. Not an hour after this same demon had pinned me down on his bed and kissed me with such gentle ferocity that I felt my heart open to him like a flower, he was doing this? What did it mean? Was it some sort of perverse demon gift? Or a warning?

But he tilted his head a little and his brows creased in confusion. "No—no, I didn't mean to frighten you, Evie," he said, as if he hadn't considered that I might be at all freaked out by this. He unfroze enough to place a hand to my hair, then dropped it, looking away. He opened his mouth, then closed it.

"Ash, what's wrong?"

He cursed and fished in his pocket. I was amazed when he produced the truth amulet, clutching it like a talisman in a hand that shook a little. "I'm a compulsive liar," he said, a hint of belligerence in his voice.

The amulet glowed green. I tried not to smile. "Ash, I know that." My heart warmed at the gesture. "Put it away. Tell me a comforting lie if you have to."

He swallowed, then swore again as his light vanished and I squeaked with involuntary fear. It was back a moment later, its dim glow brightening a little as he regained his concentration. "It's not for you," he said.

My heart's glow sank back into my spleen. _Ass._ Who was it for, Al? Al was so lost in his delirium that he hadn't even twitched in response to my shriek. Who else was there?

Oh.

"I had to show you, so you'd know—" He stopped when the amulet betrayed him with a dim scarlet glow. "Fuck."

Eyes wide with wonder, I watched him fight for words. I dared not interrupt.

"I didn't want to do this—damn!" His fingers tightened over the disk, nearly crushing it. He stared at Al, his agitation growing. "Hell. Just ask me a question."

OK…."Why did you need me to see this, Ash?" I asked softly.

"A _different_ question," he clarified, testily, and I smiled.

I thought a moment. "What do you want me to _do_?"

"Bloody hell, woman," he said, fidgeting, voice angry. "Whatever you want to. Help him, kick him, kill him?"

Ash was so totally beside himself that I couldn't help but stare at him in bewilderment. "I _know_ you didn't bring me here because you thought I'd enjoy this, Ash. And I know you know I'm not about to go and kill _anyone_, even him." I closed my eyes, looking for patience. Ash was trying so hard to tell me something he couldn't bear to admit, not even to himself. The urge to simply shake him, to see if the answer would fall out of his ear, was strong. But my demon was in pain. Whatever reason he'd had for poisoning Al, he was at war with himself over the action now. "Why did you do it?"

"He threatened you," Ash said. "I saw it all in a flash. You'd never be safe from him unless I did it." He didn't notice the dim scarlet glow between his fingers, but it had only disliked the last statement, not the first.

"Why?" I tried to keep my voice gentle. My mind was working furiously. I'd left Ash with Al when I'd gone to talk to Adrian. Ash had been off kilter that entire conversation. He'd been suffering the early effects of the poisoning, even as he bargained with Adrian. He'd been upset. He must have fought with Al. Al had threatened me, and Ash had done this, had poisoned his enemy. His friend? Had I misjudged his relationship with Al? How much did I actually know about them? Hadn't he said once that their relationship was a lot more complicated than mere rivalry?

Ash exhaled through gritted teeth. "What the witch told you is true, but he didn't mention that if Al ever so much as touches my blood again, he'll die. And vice versa. If you mate with me, the same will hold true for the two of you. He'll never be able to touch you, nor you him. Ever."

"Because I'll have your venom in me?"

He nodded.

"You did it to protect me?" I kept my voice gentle, but I needed clarification.

"Yes. No." The amulet didn't accept either answer. Odd, that. "Me," he clarified. "To protect myself. Us."

"Okay," I said, still wondering why the heck he was so agitated over it.

"You don't understand. What I did, Evie, it's irreversible. We can never risk so much as touching each other again. He'll never forgive it."

I stared at him, trying to read between the lines and failing miserably. "Does it matter if he forgives you? Or us?" Ash gave me a tortured look. I_ thought_ I got it. I looked down at Al, still oblivious, on the floor. "I don't think there's anything I can do about this—I'm out of healing curses."

"You don't have my venom in you yet," Ash said quickly. "Not enough to cause a reaction in you, or him. You can draw it out, now, while your blood's still free of my…taint."

I blinked. "I can do that?"

He nodded, face still blank. "He won't thank you. Walk away and he'll never know you saw him like this. He'll be ten times worse if you show him compassion than if you kick him while he's down."

I could imagine, but at least now I knew why Ash hadn't bitten me. He wanted me to do this. He was wracked with…guilt? Well, indecision at the very least. And he very much wanted to tell me something, without being able to say it. Pressing him wouldn't help, not when he'd gone to the trouble of using a truth amulet to ensure he couldn't keep lying to himself and was still unable to say it.

What was my demon so afraid that I'd find out about him? What was he afraid to admit to himself? God, I was dying of curiosity.

And what did I want to do about Al? As I stared at Al and waited for Ash to say more, I knew the answer. Were our positions reversed, Al wouldn't spare me a thought. Hell, he might even add to my misery. Then—my mind flashed back to that odd little scene with the knife, right before Al had coerced me into the taking him as a familiar. He'd returned the scar. It had been so unlike him, and it had been…kind. After all that torment, all the lies and abuse and being poised to heap on more, in that one instant he'd returned a slip of my dignity.

I'd been so deep in misery at the time that I'd forgotten it entirely. I glared at the ceiling, now royally pissed at Al for making the tiny little gesture would later save my life. If he'd just been 100% pure rotten, I could have walked away. "I may be a demon, but I don't have to act like one," I said. "And I know that…shit, it doesn't excuse Al's behavior, but I know that he's royally screwed up over Rachel."

Ash shifted beside me, a brief, low growl emanating from his throat. He turned it off quickly, but I found it peculiar anyway. "Yes. Of all of us…I believe he still feels…"

_And you don't? _I didn't broadcast the thought, but he must have picked it up, because he shifted again, agitation growing. "All right," I said. "What do I do?"

Ash opened the barred door of the cell as if it were unlocked, and bade me enter. "Just…touch him. Touch him long enough and the venom will recognize you, and flow to you. There's not much of it. It was just a little cut. It seeks a female, and will be drawn to you."

I knelt beside Al and, glancing back at Ash for confirmation, placed a hand on his forehead. Al was hot, feverish, and he jerked away at my touch, leaving my hand smeared with blood. Ew. I replaced my fingers, touching his skin lightly in case it the contact was painful.

Al shifted, glazed red eyes trying to focus on me under a sheen of bloody tears. He rasped something unintelligible. But he didn't jerk away from my touch again, simply leaned against my hand. Damned demon. I hated him, but compassion was rapidly winning out. Even Therese was silent, in perfect agreement with me that, while we were many things, a cold-blooded bitch who could enjoy someone's pain wasn't one of them.

"_Keerin_," Al rasped, eyes focusing briefly on me again. He reached and, to my horror, began slowly, painfully, clawing his way closer to me. My heart stuttered when I realized he was mistaking me for his dead wife. _Oh, God. Do I let him? Do I tell him no? _"_Keerin._"

"He's delirious," Ash said.

"Tell me something I don't know," I snapped. I didn't push him away, but I didn't encourage Al with a false answer, either. Al pressed his face to my calf, shuddering violently. I felt tears prickle and glared at Ash. "This is killing me. You know that, right?"

Ash shuffled his feet and looked away. "I'm sorry," he said. The forgotten truth amulet he held betrayed him again, but he didn't elaborate.

OK, so he wasn't _really _sorry, but that he'd even said the words melted my heart just enough. _Damn it._ Cursing them both, I reached, lifting Al and gathering him into my arms, trying not to flinch as his blood soaked through my clothes. I smoothed his gory hair from his forehead, and he clutched at me even as he shivered with fever and pain. No, he'd never, ever, ever forgive me for seeing him like this, but I didn't care. If Ash needed me to do this, I would do it. For _Ash_.

Al choked out several phrases I couldn't understand.

"He begs your forgiveness," Ash translated, turning away. "Not yours, _hers_," he clarified.

I bit my tongue before I could reply _Thank you, Captain Obvious._ Of course Al would never ask _my _forgiveness. But I imagined he'd done plenty he'd want his dead wife's forgiveness for. I debated for a moment whether or not I should answer.

Al spoke again, desperation in his voice.

"Well…?" Ash gave me a _what are you waiting for_? look.

_Well, what? I'm not her, I can't speak for her,_ I snapped silently. _Isn't it enough that I'm playing nursemaid? Do I have to play priest as well?_ Ash shrugged, but I could see disappointment in his slumped shoulders. I made an exasperated noise. "What for?" I asked Al gently. Mystified, I glanced at Ash for clarification. He wasn't forthcoming, so I did my best. "It's all right. You should let me go. You should move on."

Al made a confused noise, half whine, half groan. His breaths came quicker, hitching. I was rapidly regretting my compassion and looked to Ash for an escape or at least advice, but he wasn't helpful on either front. Fuck. I smoothed Al's hair off his forehead again, for lack of a better place to touch him. He writhed in his delirium, the whites of his eyes disconcerting in his red, bloody face. He was in agony, and he clutched at me like a man dying, and I prayed that Ash's venom would hurry up already so I didn't have to keep pretending to be a dead woman. Instead, Al shook with another convulsion Oh_, God._ This was demon biology? It sucked. Really, really sucked. "Ash?"

"He loved too deeply to refuse her." Ash's voice was hollow. "It killed him to do what was necessary."

I felt my heart chill. _Do what was necessary…? _I had a sick feeling, from what Adrian had said, that I knew what "do what was necessary" meant, when it came to mates and potential consequences of using magic. In my arms, Al hiccupped and groaned again, clutching my arm tight enough that even my curse-toughened skin would be bruised. His feverish flesh felt a little tingly under my hand. Were we almost done here? I prayed it would be over soon. "Ash, are you telling me that Al's wife went mad and he couldn't save her?"

Ash stared into space. He made as if to speak, halted, closed his eyes…he fought this battle for a good minute while I fought the urge to scream in frustration. "Ash, what am I supposed to forgive him for? Why did you bring me here?"

"Evie, we're a cursed race," he said finally, face hollow in the dim, eerie light. "The evil we've done to others is only surpassed by the ruination we've brought upon ourselves."

"Okay, Ash, now you're freaking me out," I complained, my attempt to lighten the mood failing miserably.

He ignored this, voice bleak and face shadowed. "Our most hideous curse was the last one we ever cast as a collective. Our immortality. Forever bound together, even those who succumb to the dementia of the lines—those we banish to the surface, to exist in madness and agony until the worlds collide."

I stared at him, letting his words sink in. Al shifted in my arms again, shoulders shuddering, chest heaving. I forced myself to glare at him, silently promising him a world of hurt if he hurled on me. But the full horror of Ash's words was seeping around the edges of the distraction I'd focused on, reaching me anyway. "They're immortal? Mad and can't die? And you just…_leave_ them there?"

"There aren't enough of us left to power a full resurrection without them."

The curse that had brought my demon back to me had been drawn from the souls of the damned. Their own kind, abandoned on the blistered, ruined surface. "And…_she's_ up there somewhere?" I asked in a small voice, horrified at the thought.

Ash's empty, haunted gaze rested on me. I shivered, and Al gave a low moan as the movement jarred him. "She fought him," Ash said, voice toneless. "She no longer recognized him. She knew not what she faced, or even who she was, and she fought for her life. He ripped her from the collective. He murdered her rather than see her damned."

I looked down at Al, horror warring with compassion in my gut. He'd been quiet, listening, head pressed to my chest.

"Such are the choices we face. Such is the choice we may one day face, my Yvette, if you would cast your lot in with us."

I began to put it together in my head. Immorality meant that death could only come through a deliberate act of murder or suicide. Mating opened new abilities in a female, but also increased the danger to her mind. My psyche was damaged, perhaps permanently. Using the full power I could command could one day lead to my own mind's collapse. A mate was the only one who was immune to a female's power—the only one who could easily kill her. "But…I'm not part of the collective," I replied, voice small.

Ash didn't reply, simply looked at me.

He'd cursed me while I was out. He'd refused to say what the curses did.

_Oh no. Please no._

"Tell me you didn't," I said, feeling suddenly hollow with betrayal.

"I didn't," he said quickly, and our eyes both lit on the green glow from his fingers. "I would never force our damnation on you."

Had I not already been sitting, I'd have melted to my knees in relief. Thank God. I didn't want it. God, I didn't want their immortality, not at the cost of feeding off the souls of my own kind—or anyone's, for that matter! I sighed, looking again at the still figure in my arms. He'd ceased his convulsive shudders in favor of a mild tremor, and I tried not to notice that the blood on his face was streaked and damp. Another gear clicked into place in my thoughts. "I get it. They'll make me join the Collective sooner or later, won't they? If it's numbers they need, and I'm a demon soul that will help, there's no way they'll let me get out of it, is there?" Ash's confirming head shake made my stomach clench. "Can I do it without being bound to that…resurrection curse?"

"No. I'm afraid that's what joining the Collective means. Your options are limited to joining those of us who return to ourselves, or joining those on the surface who…don't. So put yourself in her place, Yvette. Did he do right by her?"

I looked back at Ash, appalled. "Jesus, Ash, I have no idea what she'd—"

"Please. It matters. Were it you…?"

_Were it me…?_ "It's going to be me someday," I said. "Isn't it? If we mate…? I can see it on your face."

"Possibly. I vow I'd do all in my power to prevent it." Ash hunched in on himself. "We don't have to. Not having access to those abilities would…greatly decrease your chances of damaging your mind."

I closed my eyes, thinking it over. Death or damnation? Honestly, it wasn't that difficult a choice. I started when Al spoke again, low and urgent. I still couldn't make out a word, nor could I even begin to identify the language he was speaking. "You made the right call, Al," I told him quietly, marveling suddenly that, having been forced through such an awful experience, he dared to love another demoness again. His enmity toward me was almost understandable, for all it had cost me. It didn't explain or excuse his actions, but I thought that I could say the next words for myself, as well as for his lost Keerin. "I forgive you."

Ash's breath hissed out as he slumped down beside us, presumably translating what I'd said for the delirious demon in my arms. Al didn't respond beyond a hitching sigh and a slight release of the tension that filled him. A moment later he relaxed even more, tumbling into unconsciousness, and I carefully peeled him off me and laid him back on the stone floor, wincing at the gore that covered us both.

Head slightly bowed, Ash gazed up at me with his blank, feeling-far-too-much face. He probably felt just as numbed by the sheer quantity of oppressive grief in the room as I did.

I was still reeling from the realization that all those times Ash had said I would die by his hand, he hadn't been kidding—and that Therese had known all along. She had trusted him to do right by her. And I'd thought for a moment that Ash would die for _me_…? I looked at the demon sitting beside me, arcane dimly glowing orb in his hand, and contemplated again why I hadn't just chosen to chuck it all and live a normal, non-magic life. The secondary reason was simply how dull and empty my attempted "normal" life had been. But the primary reason was simply…if my life had no devilish Kaviashemedaeva in it, it just wouldn't have been _mine_. Until this year I hadn't exactly been _happy_ about the scar or the memories, but without them, who would I have been?

"Hand tingling yet?" he asked after a moment, his voice almost back to normal. I nodded, and he gave me a quick lesson in the curse I needed to twist to complete the transfer. We left quickly thereafter, on the off chance that Al hadn't really registered our presence. A foolish hope, as our intervention would cut down his recovery time by a day or two and he wasn't an idiot—not to mention my scent was all over him, as thickly as his blood was now all over me.

"Why did you bring me to see him, really?" I asked Ash, after I'd showered the blood and nausea away so he could touch me again. He still seemed reluctant to do so, holding himself at a distance even after there was no chance of his contacting Al's blood. "You're not a good Samaritan, Ash."

Ash studied his hands. He'd ditched the truth amulet once again, I noticed. Just my luck. "_Saenat_…I can't answer that. Not won't, can't. Think on this incident, when next you seek answers from me. I've just given you what answers I can."


	4. Deleted draft

_I wanted to post something fun while I worked on the next chapter (which is mostly written…I'm just plotting out detective story stuff…and it's a real challenge trying to keep straight in my head who knows what, how much, and when). So here's an early draft of MWS chapter 15 that I rediscovered and found amusing. This was written before I wrote the first "Heart to Heart" bit. I think it was draft #5? You'll see why I ended up ditching it—it's pretty stupid and totally doesn't fit the tone of the previous chapters. Mostly I was mad at my characters, which probably explains the hose. *lol* You have no idea the amount of crap I pump out trying to get something worth keeping!_

__**Deleted fifth draft: Ash shows up to confront Evie and Adrian **

Ash didn't show up immediately, setting my teeth on edge. When he did, he materialized silently behind me. The burnt amber stench gave him away, as did Adrian's sudden wide-eyed expression, but I still wasn't fast enough to dive out of the way or even turn. He'd grabbed and yanked and pinned me against him in a blink. I stifled a shriek when I realized he was shaped all wrong, and that one of the things that held me was a long, sinuous tail.

"Ash?" I gasped, and Adrian lost his footing and landed on his ass, staring slack-jawed at my demon, who'd apparently decided to look the part. "Why the hell are you wearing this shape?" His grasp was painful and I wriggled a little as he drew a deep breath of my scent. _Oooooh, shit._ Thank goodness Adrian was in a circle.

Ash growled, a strange, vibrating, hissy noise accompanying it. I felt him tap the line, pulling it through me. I huffed with indignation as he used the energy to fire a flashy curse at Adrian. Adrian's bubble held, barely. The white-faced witch recovered from his flinch and began a frantic patting search of his pockets. "Ash! Knock it off!" I managed to grab his free arm, distracting him and throwing off his aim.

"His scent's all over you. I'm going to tear you both apart. Him first." Ash's voice was oddly low and calm, chilling me. There was absolutely no life or mercy in it. Ash had lost it.

"It's not like that," I said, though it came out a little breathlessly as he squished my ribs. "Damnit, Ash, I need you to listen. Please!"

"You're a liar, my Yvette." Ash fired another bolt at Adrian's circle, and the witch ducked and flinched again- this time with the painful effort of holding it. I gasped as talons pierced the skin of my side and shoulder where he held me—and there was only pain, no playful, giddy spin of venom to dull it. He wasn't kidding. He really meant to do it, didn't he? My heart started to pound with familiar terror. Great. Just great. Ash chuckled as he caught the scent of my fear. I called on Therese for advice, letting her rise to the surface to deal with the very real demon behind me.

Therese, as usual, had a very different take on this situation. "What did Al tell you this time?" I hissed, voice too low for Adrian to hear. "If you're going to believe _him_ over _me_, then I'm going to kill you both."

Ash let out a pained, raspy laugh. "I don't need Al to tell me what I should have known all along."

"And what is that…?" I asked. I realized he wasn't wearing anything, and his mark was right behind my head. I debated my options. Pleasure or pain? I opted for C, and simply opened the connection so he could feel it. Fury and passion had strengthened it to a fiery white cable.

He stilled, his other clawed hand positioning itself right over my belly. "Try it," he growled in my ear. "I'll spill your guts over the stones and stomp them so your witch can watch."

Adrian stared at us, horror and worry and sickly indecision mingled on his face. Shit. The witch was about to do something idiotic and heroic, wasn't he? I flashed him a glare, mouthing "stay there!" at him when he frowned. I ignored the threat, lifting my chin. "Should we cut it? Right here, right now? Are you renouncing me?"

Ash growled again, raking my cheek with a long forked tongue. I was drawing him out of the coldness, at least—I could feel him trembling. "It was already done, the moment you betrayed me."

"The moment I…NOW what the hell are you talking about?" Therese fired up her connection to the ley line, good and riled now. She was about to break his hold and put him in his place, but I couldn't do it- not in front of Adrian, not when pride was all Ash had left to him. "No. I don't want to know. If you're done, you're done. Go ahead and renounce me and be done with it, so I can kill you, you heartless, brainless, _clueless_ idiot!"

Ash hesitated, bewildered again. He huffed, growled, shifted, but he didn't sever the tie. "I am going to make you wish you'd never been born," he said instead.

"You're all talk, you ass." I wriggled, just to remind him that he had me pinned, and that I wasn't fighting to free myself. And if the wriggling just happened to concentrate on a particular portion of his anatomy, well, how could I help that? "You don't really think I betrayed you, because if you did, we'd all be dead. You_ want_ me to have betrayed you but you don't really believe it, do you?"

Ash roared, furious and confused. Claws pierced me again, this time tempered with the sweet fire of his poison. Therese uncoiled and preened inside me, and Adrian chose that moment to burst from his circle and attack.

Apparently there was a two-for-one special on brainless, clueless idiots today.

Ash was just startled enough to hesitate, and Adrian's curse smashed him right on the nose like a knuckle sandwich. He dropped me and retaliated, his curse bouncing off of an amulet that Adrian flung before him. The amulet shriveled and croaked, but the witch kept going. He reached Ash—and tackled him. I flopped to the ground, stunned into momentary stillness with horror and fury as the gangly, gawky witch and the huge bat-winged demon wrestled like a pair of teenagers, cursing in Latin, Greek, and perhaps some other languages I didn't know.

_Idiots, the pair of them!_ I made a move to break this up, but some part of me held back, looking at them appraisingly. Adrian seemed to have some kind of body-armor spell on him, because Ash's claws and fangs weren't penetrating his skin. He seemed to have grown in strength, as well, because he was managing to give as good as he got. Ash, I recalled, had lost all of his stored curses, including the ones that could let him turn to mist. Oh, he could still access the demon database and cast any ley-line spell he wanted, but that required gesturing, and it was difficult to twiddle one's fingers delicately when one was punching an angry witch. I realized that in a physical confrontation, they were actually pretty evenly matched.

Shutting my mouth with a deliberate click, I left them to it. I stood and dusted myself off. I expressed a desire for popcorn, but unfortunately Trent didn't allow pixies or fairies in his garden, so my wish remained ungranted. At this point, I wasn't certain who to root for. But it didn't matter in the end, because Quen arrived, and with him….Ceri and the garden hose.

How I managed to keep a straight face, with a soggy demon trapped in one elven circle and a soggy witch in another, I have no idea. Both were glaring at me with baleful stares. I shrugged. "Technically, it's _his _garden," I reminded them. "Rules clearly state: No Roughhousing." And they did, on a tasteful little sign nearby.

Quen cleared his throat, also managing to keep a straight face. "My apologies for the incarceration, Sir Adrian and Ashmedai. We strive to keep this garden a place of peace and meditation. May I suggest you spend a few moments reflecting on your motivations?"

Adrian just wiped his bloody nose inelegantly on his sleeve. Ash massaged bloody knuckles and touched his eye, wincing to find that it was already swelling shut. They gave each other a "he started it" glare, then returned to glaring at me.

"What?" I asked. "This is hardly _my _fault. Though I can't say I'm not basking in the glow of having two mature, adult men fighting over me." OK, now I grinned, as Adrian and Ash both started protesting furiously that it wasn't all about me, who did I think I was, how dare you laugh at us, etc.

"Shall I banish him for you…?" Quen asked me solicitously.

I hadn't forgotten I was pissed off at him and Ceri, and his question cut my amusement short. "No. We need to chat. I mean, I need to talk to Ash and Adrian- but I need to chat with you two, as well."

For the first time since I'd met her, Ceri looked less certain of herself, her gaze momentarily falling to her bare feet before rising to meet mine. "I'm sorry we cursed you against your will," she said. "We thought it the right thing to do at the time."

"Al nearly took my head off!" I snapped, shivering at the memory of Al rifling through my memories like old bills, tossing and yanking and generally creating chaos in my ordered mind. "Tell me how to reverse it, and we'll be even."

Quen placed a hand on Ceri's shoulder. "I cannot," she said simply. "If Al goes to confront Rachel—"

"He could do that any time he wanted," I argued.

"No—not as long as she is severed from the collective. He cannot track her, and he cannot use his mentor privileges to come across uninvited. So the only way he can locate her is…if you tell him where she's going."

"And that's locked in my head, too. Great. You do realize he'll just go spelunking in my brain again, the moment he gets a chance. Al's good- he can break me, and he knows it's there." Quen and Ceri exchanged a look. Clearly they were weighing the option of sticking me in bubble #3 and leaving us all here for the duration of Trent's quest. "Don't even think about it. Look, asked me to trust you, and then you turned around and did this to me. I don't owe you two squat. Just about the only person who hasn't screwed me over today is Ash."


End file.
